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The Mystery of the Funk: Boy or Dog?
Allen Rippy, Veterinarian, Author
Aug 6, 2025
6 min read
There’s a certain odor wafting through my living room right now, and I’m not sure if it’s my 13-year-old son’s best friend or his dog. They arrive together, always smiling, always shedding crumbs, and always carrying the unmistakable scent of “teen spirit” crossed with something vaguely barnyard.
Here’s the thing: I can fix the dog. The boy? That’s a project for another time.
The dog’s “eau de funk” has a known cause. Between outdoor adventures, rain puddle rolling, and questionable snack choices, the poor pup’s skin microbiome has gone completely rogue. This is where topical zinc and oatmeal step in like the superheroes of canine dermatology. Zinc works to rebalance the skin’s micro-ecosystem, stopping yeast overgrowth in its tracks, while oatmeal soothes irritation and restores that silky, puppy-soft feel to the coat.
Give me a week with that dog, and I’ll have him smelling like a fresh meadow and feeling like a luxury cashmere blanket. His fur will be so soft that even the boy will start absentmindedly petting him during Fortnite breaks—possibly his first contact with anything clean all week.
But the boy… yeah, zinc and oatmeal won’t cut it. His microbiome is a complex cocktail of Axe body spray, Cheeto dust, and hormonal confusion. We’ll need a completely different strategy for that—one I’m not brave enough to tackle just yet.
Until then, the dog’s transformation will at least keep one half of the duo huggable. And maybe, just maybe, the boy will notice how good his best friend smells and take the hint.